A Birthday Letter You Wont Get To Read

I wish I had a wonderful and sweet birthday letter to write you, but honestly I have no idea what to say. It’s your second birthday since you passed but it still feels so recent. It seems like just yesterday was my graduation and we had everyone together. I am so truly  blessed to have gotten that time with you, I didn’t know how much I would need to hold onto that visit until long after it was over.
The initial shock of losing you left me so lost, but as time has passed I’ve learned so much from this experience. You taught me some amazing things while you were alive, you always gave me confidence, you told me I could be anything I wanted, and you showed me the best examples of loving people unconditionally, but I think some of your greatest lessons to me happened in your  passing.
Since you’ve been gone I have learned to just chill for a minute and let life happen, and then figure out where to go from there. I gained the courage to move 3,000 miles away from home, simply because opportunity knocked, and someone needed my help. I gave up being angry at people that hurt me, and in releasing them I could release myself. I learned how it felt to deal with anxiety and stress, which made me a more understanding person to people that have to deal with those constantly. I learned that you can’t heal people, you can only love them while they learn to heal themselves. And the obvious  one, I learned that everything can change in the blink of an eye, which has made me appreciate each day I get to spend with those I love.
So happy birthday mom, you were a beautiful creation and I am honored to have gotten to spend time with you through my life. All my love, your daughter.

Just a simple poem I wrote for you.
“Some days, all I wish for is to hear your voice.
Some days, I just want your hug to drown out the noise.
Some days, I need one of your funny stories to laugh away the ache.

But other days…
I get so caught up in life I don’t even think about you,
I get busy and I don’t stop to remember everything you were,
I get distracted and I don’t think about all you did for me.

The some days I hate because they remind me you are gone,
The other days I hate because I forget you are.

It never gets easier missing you, I’m just learning to live with a piece of my heart missing.”

Tu Be or Not Tu Be

Me and Britt have taken to doing crafts, and quite alot, here is one of the first finished ones, tutus for the girls, each one unique, just like them. Its been a super fun pass time to look up ideas and give them things to play with especially since her husband has been gone for work we have been together everyday and its nice to keep things interesting and new. Not that we could ever get tired of eachother.

Party? Or Nahhh?

Me and Britt had this awesome 4th of July idea, we wanted to have a family party, we got so excited, but we only planned it like 2 days before. Most people had plans so it didn’t work out, and instead we went to the park with the kids. I got tons of cute pictures, so although it wasn’t the plan it was still a blast to hang out with my cousins beautiful little family.

The Goose and Hailstorm

The girls had their first sleepover together, and it was a blast. Next time I need more craft stuff but they had fun just imagining stuff and doing playdough. The girls got to stay up till 12 and then went to bed. Haylees parents thought maybe she wouldn’t sleep well because it was somewhere new, but luckily she was exhausted, and she knocked out in 15min all the way till bout 10am. It made me so happy she was well rested for another full day of playing.

Nightmares? Or What?

I started hearing screaming every hour or so just a little “ahh!” and then it would stop so I  figured a bad dream. But eventually it got to a full on bloody murder scream, so I went in to try to calm Kallyn and nothing helped. Grandma suggested an earache so we let her parents know and while waiting for her dad to get her the IB Profen kicked in and she fell asleep holding my hand. And then we both took a nap, and it was adorable.

“BOOM BOOM”…

Another trip to the ER but this time for Justin, he had already been told he had bronchitis but due to being a man he wouldn’t rest as much as needed so it got worse. A 3 hour ER visit with a 2 year old and 15month old would have been way worse for most people, but the girls did amazing, and we got some super cute pictures too! The breathing specialist was incredibly kind to Haylee and let her use the stethoscope to hear her dads heart (which I didn’t get a picture of), and once she was done I asked her what sound does daddys heart make? To which she replied “BOOM BOOM” she then told us she wanted to be a doctor. Even though it was a long night, it was a super cute night too.

Spur of The Moment Adventure

After talking to my cousin about wanting to go to the mall her husband decided sure why not. So we all piled in the car and drove to Anchorage and wandered around the mall. We passed through Build-A-Bear and I could not resist having Haylee make her own. So she picked out her bear, stuffed her, picked her heart and gave it a kiss, put in a beating heart, picked out clothes, and then sat down with her dad to pick out the name and all that other stuff. My cousin got her daughter a monkey because that’s what they call her and how she acts. So they both had perfect new friends, and we made our journey home with Monkey, and Teddy.

A Mistaken Case of Tonsillitis

I began hanging out with my lovely cousin Britt and her pretty cool husband Justin and their two little girls. I was there constantly,(and still am) but one unpleasant night Haylee the older daughter started feeling terrible. At first we thought it was just allergies, but it began to seem like more. So after my cousins aunt looked at the girlies throat she told us she thought it could be strep so off to the ER we went. Soon after we got there the medicine kicked in and we had a bright shiny kiddo in the ER, guess who seemed like crazies? So after a few tests we found out it was just a cold and were back o the way home.

 

Goose and Boogie.

I would say at least the first two weeks I was here these two were my only friends. The goose was starting to show more of her true colors, and her normalcy of her being the boss was changing because I wanted her to know I don’t play that, I am the adult and I make the rules. Kallyn on the other hand was in her own world. She was not yet going pee in the potty, and that was incredibly frustrating. I feel there is more going on her her darling little head than others want to admit, so I treat her accordingly to what I have felt she has needed and she becomes more and more amazing everyday. In the past at least 2weeks there have been no potty accidents, no peeing the bed even! She is beginning to talk more and respond when I ask her things. Even a few times I’ve got a “no” which she pretty much never says, and a “thank you” which she usually only says when told to.

 

Silly Goose.

Almost everynight when I first arrived Gaia would come in my room and hang out with me, it was so cute, she would play video games while I played on my phone. She is truly a wonderful little girl.